Weary

There are some days that my soul just cries out, "LORD, I can't do this. I have nothing more to give. It is too much for one woman. I do not understand why you entrust so much to me. How is it that you have more faith in me and than I have in me?" It will hit me in the strangest of places. The repetition of lyrics while singing. A thought while driving. After the 3rd time of saying something to a child and realizing they've never heard a word I said. Why Lord? Why? How can I raise healthy, energetic children while my body hurts, while my heart is overwhelmed, while my mind is racing and there are never enough hours in the day to put on so many hats. I want so desperately to have that illusion that if I can just get it all under control, my life will run smoothly. I can be debt-free. My children will act perfectly. I can fit into loose jeans and my roots will never get dark.

But the truth is that it never will be perfect. God knows that. That's is why He put so many Scriptures in the Bible about weariness. I think that God must know that I have a child like none other. There's never been a book written about him with a quick-fix solution. God must know that every hour of the day, you're going to be the bug and NEVER the windshield. God must know that Calgon fixes nothing, roots always grow out and that Satan wants to beat us down repetitiously until we absolutely can't take it any more. You don't want to burden family or friends. Your spouse is busy and the kids don't care or need to know. You're alone. Well, except for those tears and one very empty soul.

And then, Isaiah spoke to me asking me, "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall..."

In my mind, I'm thinking, "Lord, I want some of that power. That's me, the one with no might. How are you going to increase my strength to something greater than a youth or a young man because, afterall, I have two of them. I really need this, like yesterday."

And Isaiah continued on, "But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Faint? My mind is immediately thrown back to a time when I helped my eldest memorize Galatians 6:9. "Let us not be wearing in well-doing for in due season, we shall reap what we sow if we faint not." We'd say it over and over again. Don't faint Robin. Not yet. Don't lose heart with parenting. Don't lose heart to those every day annoyances. Don't lose heart by the end of the day when you're ready for bed. Don't lose heart EVER. God didn't call you to the greatest of ministries just to have you give out now. God has sent you promises to renew your strength and that a harvest is coming soon. I may need knee replacement and new wooden floors by the time I'm done parenting, but a harvest is a'comin'. You've got to keep on keepin' on.

2 Peter 1:3-4 says His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

I need to paste this to my forehead and read it in the mirror each morning. I want to participate and partake in divine nature. I have divine power in me and I didn't even realize it. I've allowed *things* to take my mind off the realization that I am a daughter to the King. That I can overcome those feelings of inadequacy and weakness by His strength in my life. Where had I gotten off track? Why? I may never truly know those answers some days, some weeks. But the key is to knowing how to get back to being focused on Jesus and God's love and power in our lives. I have to grab hold of the courage that has been entrusted to me by the One who gives it.

Robin, don't faint. The race isn't over. Keep fighting the good fight of faith like Paul did.

And then, at some point, my heart stopped aching. My soul felt at peace. I felt lifted up by the unseen arms that are much mightier than I but unmistakably there. And... then....... the weariness passed.